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kitchen nightmares
Once upon a time, an overly confident twenty-two-year-old cook with stars in her eyes and delusions of grandeur interviewed for a job far beyond her experience and nailed it, based on the confidence a fake pair of glasses gives as well as an “exquisite” portobello mushroom risotto made for the higher-ups of a quite famous…
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political heartburn
Horking down this four-ounce ball of burrata at 11:40 at night with the same gusto I ate take-out less than three hours ago is embarrassing; at least with the Thai food I had the excuse of ‘I haven’t eaten since yesterday and I’m still hungover.’ This burrata is my solo culinary pleasure since no one…
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Earwig HIV
As a high school graduation present my paternal grandmother, my ‘Grammy,’ gifted me a good quality suitcase with a fun ‘Congrats, Graduate!’ card that told me to be sure to use this suitcase, to be more specific I think her beautiful cursive handwriting read something closer to ‘use the hell out of this suitcase!’ This…
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little brownie
At home, at any given point I’ll just be walking along through the kitchen or a hallway and find my hand in a mouth. This is new. Once she realizes that I’m hip to her game and I stop to see what’s going on in her little 27% Shephard, 23% Husky, 20% Staffie/pit-bull brain she…
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gargoyle in my bedroom
At approximately 3:11 this morning my body jerked awake from the sound of a croaking, moaning menace; it chortled and trilled and purred, then howled from its gut like a banshee from Celtic lore – the weight of its sound knocking it near off his feet. Beneath my sleep mask I rolled my eyes and…
Solicitous Sociopath 